Lately I have had a lot of time on my hands. Since I moved to Frändefors my work schedule has not been even near as busy as it used to be. As I look back to the time before Covid-19, I realise how I was neglecting myself. When you are so busy and driven starting to neglect yourself is something that can happen before you even realise it. I got seduced by my work and what that gave me. It did give me energy. It gave me a purpose.
Now that I step back and look and things, I can think: I really thought I was taking good care of myself. In some ways I was, but I realise I have neglected things that I used to like to do, like fishing, riding my bicycle, simple things not connected to work. When people would ask me to do things with them on weekends I used to answer: “Sorry, I cannot, I am really busy this weekend.”
I have talked to many people who have made the same mistake without realising it. In the beginning the work did give them energy and it was fun, but in the end it was not, because they were trying to achieve too much.
I now feel much more relaxed and content. Sometimes, just relaxing with a cup of tea is enough; having time to do it, without having to think about anything else. There is also a lot of interesting, historical sites in my new hometown that I would have liked to visit in times passed. I see pictures of the past in my mind when I am there. I have a friend who have the same kind of interest, checking out these old sites. It is exciting exploring.
I still want to work, but I do not want it to be the only governing factor in my life. I do not regret anything, but now, with the years I have ahead, I want to have more time just being spontaneous. I am coming back to myself and it is really nice to have that balance between work and time for myself.
I used to feel good doing my job, but this is an entirely new feeling. One could say I am being kind to myself now. Life cannot only be about work, even though we enjoy it. We have to ask ourselves: What is really important and what do I enjoy doing?
People have asked me if I miss Fanthyttan after all the years there. Fanthyttan is truly a beautiful place, but I do not miss it. The school has been passed on to the right people. I was ready to move on and with me I took all my memories and they will always be there.
Ascala has said to me: “You need this time to recharge and to create a balance. This makes you a much better channel for us.” All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I want to rediscover the joy again. To work for a higher intelligence means you must not forget who you are and what you need. The only person that can give that to you is yourself. I will remember to look after myself now.
How many of you out there have been through this, where you kind of got lost along the way? In the end you lose the joy in what you are doing.