There has been a lot of comment about how things can never be the same again lately; we cannot go back to the same way of living, with outmoded attitudes and perceptions. This pandemic, that in some respects have brought the world to its knees, of course it is going to take time to recover from it. Before change can come there has to be chaos, then new structures can come in and serve the needs for the future.
I have even felt the changes going on within me, because I have not been able to go about my work in the normal way. I believe I have come much closer to myself and realised outmoded ways of doing things, methods that no longer serves me. I keep saying to my wife: “Whatever is going on right now, I need to have more freedom to be myself.”
When I made the decision to sell the school and move, that was the right decision. After having made that decision we became very busy and our schedule was almost fully booked to the end of the year and I could feel myself being dragged back into my old way of thinking. I was losing the new feeling and perspective that I had discovered. Then suddenly, bang, from nowhere Covid19 came. Everything was stopped dead in its tracks and I found myself in a surreal place within myself.
I remember a conversation I had with Ascala some months back, when he said: “You are not going to believe what is going to happen.” Who would have believed what impact this virus would come to have on the world and humanity?
The trap I have fallen into when running the school is about: I must. I must do this and I must do that. That is a trap one can easily fall into. I was getting the message from spirit: “It is time to change.” They wanted me to slow down, but in some respects, I did not pay heed.
“What will be will be and hopefully
it will be influenced by spirit and Ascala.
Here I am now, in a place that I do not think I have visited before. It is like my mind is more open to things than perhaps ever before. Of course, I have my ideas of the future and what I would like to do, but at the same time I am not sure what I am meant to do anymore. Following that feeling is about just listening. I have ideas and thoughts, but is that going to be the reality? I have been thinking: Am I becoming indifferent, do I want something new?
I am beginning to realise what I have had to identify within myself. It is like I want to get back onto my spiritual pathway with a much more open mind. Whatever is in my future it is basically already preordained. I am beginning to feel a sense of peace and tranquillity. It is a nice place to be. It does not necessarily mean I have lost my drive, but I do not want to return to my old system of making the same demands that I used to have on myself.
As I am waiting to sell the school etc I have no fears. What will be will be and hopefully it will be influenced by spirit and Ascala. Perhaps this new feeling is something that has been needed for me to move on? Every time I hear the words “you must” in my head. I do not push it away, I do not want it to have the same power over me. That is what the experience of the pandemic has done for me; It has made me realise how I have carried the burden of “I must” for so long. People think that I as a medium know everything, of course I do not. I just know what spirit gives me.
Whatever I do from here on, it is my responsibility to decide what part I am going to play in my future and to allow myself an open mind to rid myself of the burden I have carried for so long. Hopefully this mindset will open me up to new things.
When we return to some kind of normality again it is going to be quite interesting to see how I handle this challenge. Only time will tell, but I am not the same anymore.