I have always been a person involved in projects that makes me curious. I like to use my creativity. This has been with me as far back as I can remember. When the creativity button is pressed it is all systems go, and I become very involved, to the point where I at times can lose myself in it and in a sense forget to take care of myself.
Working as a medium is for me a way of life, a way of being, but along the way I have sort of lost contact with the essence of who I really am. In so doing I have not given myself the nourishment that my soul needs. However, perhaps now that I am getting a little bit older I am looking more out for Terrys needs. A few weeks ago I was talking to a good friend and colleague of mine. We were talking about life and something very personal for me and she said: “What is that you need? What is it that you want?” It was like a blank, I thought: ”What do in need? I have everything I need. I have a good life.”
Many years ago, when I was in therapy, my psychologist said to me: “Terry as soon as something becomes an institution you will always leave it.” Over the last few months I have realised that along the way perhaps I have become institutionalised too. How could that be, you may ask. I have been dedicated to my work and people for a lifetime. So, perhaps I have neglected my needs? In many respects am a free spirit, but I have become conditioned to meeting the demands of my work and my life, so in some respects I have ignored what my soul needs. I have always been a loner, but the essence of what I am is a person with a great need to be who I really am, but in some ways I have lost that along the way.
Now I am in a place in my life where I am standing still, with an open mind. The last few months I have started to listen to a part of my soul that I have not really taken heed of before. I have no real expectations, but I am ready to meet this new aspect. New feelings are coming to the surface. That will offer me new parts of my identity. When I can discover what this missing aspect of me is that will prepare me to enter a new phase of my life, not just as Terry, but in my work as well.
That part of me that I am getting in touch with has not been respected for some time. It has been ignored, because of the demands I have been making on myself, to produce and create. As I am standing still, just taking one day at a time, without expectation, hopefully I am allowing a part of Terry Evans to catch up.
As I write this I hear the voice of Ascala:
Now you are beginning to understand what I have been trying to communicate to you for some time, but sometimes it takes time to reach insight. Freedom is a different thing for every individual. You need more freedom, Terry, because then you are at peace with yourself then you can be a better channel for us. As you know I have been around you a lot. I have just stood beside you and allowed you to feel my presence. We have not spoken and you have not asked questions, because of that it gave me the freedom to work with you unconsciously. You know when I am there and sometimes that is enough. It is as simple as that.
When this process is complete then the next part of your journey will begin. I smile when people ask you when you are going to retire. How can you retire from something you are born to be? The point with this process is to let you know it is not just about working for us but also to give yourself what you need. Where there is harmony of the soul there will be energy to do what you are meant to do. So, just follow the process and know that we are with you. All is not lost, there is everything to be gained.