At the age of 26 the doctors told me that I had skin cancer. Their only solution at that time was to surgically remove the tumours. Back in those days they did not have the knowledge or expertise that they have now. The surgeon said to me: “We have to rebuild the right side of your face, which means that we have to remove your eyelid and part of the skin in that area of your face in order to try to reconstruct a functional eyelid.” He informed me that this had never been attempted before and the only option they had was to attempt plastic surgery.
The first operation was carried out and when I awoke, after some hours, a nurse came into the room and asked if I wanted to look at my reflection in a mirror. It was a shock to see that the right side of my face, as I had known it no longer existed. There was just a very small hole where my eyelid had been so that they could inject ointment so that my eyeball would not become dry. The stiches on the right side of my face gave the impression of a busy railroad junction. I was in shock.
A couple of weeks after the first operation, I was informed that there was a strong likelihood that the cancer had spread either into my brain or into my bloodstream, and the surgical work that they had done thus far had possibly been to no avail. I could feel the grip of fear becoming stronger and stronger, taking a vice like grip upon me. Once the consultation had come to an end and the surgeon and his team had left, fear turned into anger. I felt as if I was falling into an abyss, so I decided to ask the spirit world for help. I wanted to know the truth; whether I was meant to remain in this life or if I was meant to cross that bridge to the other side, because one thing I was sure of was that staying in the grip of this fear and anger was certainly not going to help me with my healing process. I was certainly not going to allow my fear or my anger to become my master, not without a fight anyway.
I left my hospital room and wandered through the hospital, searching for a place where I could be alone with myself. Eventually I found a storage room, ironically enough it was a place where they kept cleaning materials and equipment. I found a corner to sit, then I offered the spirit world my question: “Please give me the truth, am I meant to live or die, because whatever my souls destiny is, I want to put my energy into that and prepare emotionally for whatever is coming.” As I had asked my question something started to happen within me. The feeling of anger and fear began to diminish, replaced by an overwhelming sense of hope and then I heard the voice of spirit: “This is the way you can fight back Terry, now we have given you hope. It is our way of telling you that you have a future in the dimension where you now are. In deciding to face your fear and ask for the truth you have taken responsibility for the part that you must play in your own on-going process. On one hand you have an excellent medical team using their expertise, and on the other hand you have us, who can offer you hope and inspiration that will motivate you to retain a positive attitude to all that is happening to you now.
In hindsight I realise that if I had not asked that question my sickness could have ended up in a much different way. That day proved to be a turning point for me, when I took responsibility and decided to play my part in the healing process; to follow the guidance spirit had offered me. This guidance enabled me to make my own decision; do I remain a victim or do I gain mastery of my own feelings and become my own warrior?
Of course, after this momentous day, I still had my good and my bad days, the fear within was not completely eradicated, but the feeling of hope that spirit had instilled within me gave me the strength and purpose that helped me to pull myself out of the black holes.
From start to finish this treatment was to take three years and on my last visit to the surgeon, he informed me that they had tried exactly the same techniques on another man shortly after me, but that had not proved to be successful.
When I reached out that day to that higher intelligence that I call the spirit world, without condition, I also allowed them to play their part, thus enabling them to give me the love and the support that I required during those troubled days. What is the point in believing in a higher intelligence that goes beyond logic unless you trust enough to use the guidance that is offered?
Next time you are afraid and you do not know what to do, reach out to the God that you understand, and believe in, and ask that God for love and guidance without condition. Then perhaps you can become part of creating your own miracle. I believe the key to that miracle is making a decision: I want to know the truth about myself.
As I write my story I just share with you my truth based on my experience and my wish is that it will offer you a key that will open a door and help you set yourself free from fear that is holding you back. Then perhaps you will find a new pathway to follow, one that is right for you! Fear has many different faces. We never know how it will show itself.