For many years I wrestled with something about myself I had not understood. The reason I could not understand it was because I did not know which box to put it within myself and I did not understand it enough to ask somebody questions about it. I simply did not know where to begin, because I had absolutely no point of reference. It was almost as if this feeling within was haunting me. I tried to close down to it, but it would never go away for very long. Each time the feeling returned it simply became stronger and stronger. It refused to be ignored.
I felt that there was no longer any meaning to push this feeling away, so I just asked spirit for help with it. Then I started talking about it to my wife, and in conversation she helped me understand something new about myself too; another piece of the jigsaw puzzle, but I did not know where it was going. There was no common denominator. At the same time spirit was showing me a lot of things, which I did not really understand, I just accepted. I turned to spirit and said: “Come on guys, you need to talk to me about this. I know there is something important here for me to acknowledge.”
I realised that there was not going to be a simple answer to this. I had to wait and be patient. There were various steps I had to take to get to the heart of the matter. Spirit continued to offer me different keys and different experiences. Things started happening spontaneously and almost simultaneously. Why were all of these things happening? I knew my logic would not give me an answer, but my thoughts were spinning. Then, one morning, as I was doing my morning meditation spirit took me on this journey within myself. They took me to a room where there was this beautiful figure of Buddha. As I stood in this room the strong feeling returned, I thought: “Not now, I am doing other things”, but then I heard the words: “No, let the feeling be there, give it freedom, because if you do not send it away it will open new doors of possibility. Your heart is ready to accept new things.” So, I sat in that room, which I now call the place of the Buddhist philosophy and I just allowed myself to receive, completely unconditionally.
Then I had this amazing revelation, in a second I realised what this feeling was that I had been pushing away for so many years. In that moment a door opened and there before me lay a pathway offering new direction. What was this feeling? It was about creativity and healing that offered a new beginning. In the presence of the Buddha I found the last piece of the puzzle that then became a picture and a moment of unexpected realisation that offered freedom.
That feeling that I had pushed away for so many years, because I did not understand it, had a possibility to become my friend and companion. I discovered a very important part of myself, a new resource – The power of my heart. That was an unexpected realisation for me. Today I feel different in a way I never have before. Something has changed within. A series of circumstances and events from other dimensions and everyday life offered me pieces of the puzzle. I asked for help and got the answer. Each piece of that puzzle meant that I had to realise and take care of different aspects of myself.
I could write a book of what I have experienced, but I realise that my heart have opened even more. Perhaps I can love myself more and take care of myself in a better way now.