In my years of working as a medium and with personal development I have met countless people whose lives are in chaos. When I talk to them and help them find the heart of the matter; why they are like that, there is one simple answer. They have not learnt that to go forward in life personal responsibility has to be taken. These people seem to go back into the same negative situation again and again.
Many of those who have a chaotic life hook themselves into others, who also have chaos in their lives and are try to help them. The helper, or rescuer, opens up to the other persons negativity and neglect themselves to rescue someone else. Becoming a rescuer for others is a diversion from their own chaos.
Rescuing is an addiction that can lead to serious consequences. The so-called victim very seldom wants to take responsibility for this themselves, they just want others to fix it for them. The rescuer does not understand that there are circumstances in life that we need to face in order to grow, so they do not really help the person they are trying to rescue. The rescuer becomes the victim of someone else’s negative attitude, they take on their problems and their negativity.
I do not mean we should not support other people. There are those that need genuine help. I have worked with people that suddenly have fallen ill or that were passing over. These people have understood that they need to play a part themselves to get well or to deal with the situation they find themselves in.
Perhaps this text is awakening something within you, making you irritated or having some other effect? It might be something that you need to take a look at. It is very good to hear these words: Without you, I do not know what I would do. This makes you feel good for a short while, but it does not take long before you are exhausted and start feeling depressed.
My life has not been perfect. I have met many difficult situations in life. I have had to take responsibility and work hard to change my patterns. That change can only come from within ourselves. When I was young, I thought it was my duty to help and rescue people. I felt exhausted and lost part of my identity. I felt I was not allowed to say no. But one day when I was asked to help someone, whose life was in chaos, I decided to say no. I had realised that I could not help someone that did not wish to help themselves.
I remember the time when Ascala came to me and gave me the strength to say: No, I do not want to do this anymore, to the person that was used to be rescued by me. The person was in chock, but after that the person started growing and taking responsibility for their life. I learnt this pattern, the rescuer, already as a child. I fell into the trap because I could feel their pain.
This is something that I have ended up in time and time again, to different degrees. Ascala and I have had many discussions about this. He has been very helpful in me breaking this pattern. I have to thank Ascala for everything he has done to help me realise what I do to myself.
I cannot help anyone that do not wish to help themselves. This is a complex issue, and I see it more and more in my work. What rescuers do not realise is that they keep the person they are trying to help in the same place. The person they are trying to help just become dependent on them, and the helper does not understand why their energy just becomes lower and lower.
At the end of the day, most of the time, the decision lies with ourselves, whether we want to remain a victim or want to start living a healthy life.