Sometimes with Ascala it is as if he has gone missing, but I know he is there somewhere in the background; I can feel it. As he steps back I am sure he is observing me from a vantage point somewhere in the spirit world. I understand why he is doing this, he is giving me the space to work out things for myself, to make my own decisions.
Whenever we reach a crossroads in life, where we have to make decisions, our guides cannot make it for us. We have to work from our own resource, mentally and spiritually. If we were not given this freedom, we would become puppets and what would be the point? As I write this now, I can hear Ascala chuckling in the background.
We, who live on earth have to be responsible for finding our own way through life. Every time one phase comes to an end and a new begins, it is thinking time, meeting our feelings, do we dare to change or is it much safer to stay where we are? When Ascala withdraw from me, it enables me to discover so much more and to think about my decisions carefully. I do sometimes feel like saying: Come on, Ascala, help me out here! However, that is just momentarily, but I need allow myself to have these reactions.
“It has offered me new opportunities that I would never have gained if I had not chosen not to listen to Ascala.
I come to think about the time when I first came to look at the old village school of Fanthyttan. What I saw was not what my ego wanted. I wanted something that was ready for me to move into straight away, so, I said:
– Thank you, but I am not interested.
Ascala came in and said:
– The school will be yours.
– No, that is not for me, I answered.
In the end I gave up and came back to the owner and asked if the school was still for sale, but to my surprise she said:
– No, I am selling it to someone who is going to use it as a meditation centre.
So, I turned to Ascala and said:
– Look, you were wrong, the school is not for me.
– Yes, it is! He answered laughing.
I tried to forget about the school, but it kept on coming back to me, and Ascala persisted: The school will be yours. Two months later the owner came back to me and asked:
– Are you still interested in buying?
– Perhaps, I answered. I did not want to seem to interested, but I ended up buying it.
Running the school has changed me, given me great experience, knowledge and insights etcetera. It has offered me new opportunities that I would never have gained if I had not chosen not to listen to Ascala. Without him I would not be who I am today. In essence I am still the same person I was 15 years ago, but the experience the old village school has given me, the people that has passed through its doors and what the good people of Fanthyttan has given me are memories that I will carry with me until my dying day.
Everything I have given to my home and the school, both buildings have given me back threefold. Without the experiences of the last 15 years I would not have been near in ready for what I will experience in my next phase. Of course, I have my ideas, but sometimes when I tell Ascala my ideas he will say: We shall see? What he is really trying to tell me is to keep an open mind to the next phase of my life.